It seems to me that doctors have such an issue giving a straight answer to what one would consider an otherwise direct question. I understand that many occurrences of this "syndrome," perhaps as high as 50%, are related to the fact that professional, ethical and liability issues are associated with much of the subject matter.
However 20 to 25% seems to applicable to the "not having a freakin clue and can't risk any sort of credibility category," leaving the remaining 25 to 30% simply habitual speaking patterns.
Everyones relationship is different. It is a dynamic that exists between personalities. It is a wave that oscillates at different intervals and surges and recoils. To make it work, one has to be always aware of its’ unique nature. It is fragile.
With the death of our son Mark, Kara and I seem to struggle as to how to come to grips with it in the same way. We each have had the “anger” feelings. We have had the “why us” and “what did we do wrong” conversations. We can sit and seem to talk in agreement for hours and yet in the end do not in many respects feel the same thing about what happened.
I seem to perceive things in a here and now mentality, meaning I tend to get more worried about our family continuing to be happy and comfortable (preservation). Kara seems to, at least in my estimate, be more able to focus more on the actual loss of our son. The difference in perspective in itself is a dichotomy.
Kara and Mark Swayne
The family, Kara and I are having a memorial service for Mark today at the First Congregational Church in Bellingham Washington. The service starts at 4pm.
Over the last two weeks, our family has been very moved by the truest generosity and heartfelt goodness of our friends, family and from our community. We have received condolensces from quite literally from all over the world and we have been thankful for all of the support. It has meant a great deal to Kara and I.
In memory of Mark Russell Swayne, we have been working with the St. Joseph Hospital Foundation to create a directed donation in Mark’s name. Initially the funds raised will be used to help St. Joseph Hospital’s Birthing Center purchase an emergency birthing simulator to assist in further training hospital staff in a variety of situations. We also hope to provide assistance to families that need to have their newborns evacuated to Children’s Hospital in Seattle.
We intend to extend an invitation to other families who have had a child born at St. Joseph’s Hospital pass away. They would be given the opportunity to add their child’s name to this fund and thus help create a memorial tree.
If you would like to contribute to this donation you can do so directly through the Hospital Foundation's "Donate Now" website https://www.peacehealth.org/Whatcom/Foundation/DonateNow.asp. In the "In Memory Of" field please type Mark Russell Swayne.
My wife Kara wrote this about our son. It was published in the Bellingham Herald today. They included an online version here.
Our precious son Mark Russell Swayne, born at 5:22 am on September 7 died at Children’s Hospital on September 12, 2007 at 1:27 pm of a severe neuromuscular disorder. Parents, Rusty and Kara Swayne, grieve this tremendous loss but find comfort in knowing that he is free of the pain that overwhelmed his short life. He will forever remain in the hearts of his loving sister, Olivia, grandparents, Bob and Marsha Alan, Gordon and Debbie Belka, Vicci Thompson, and Mark and Gayle Swayne, and the many family and friends that were anxiously awaiting his arrival. A service will be held at the First Congregational Church on Cornwall Ave. on Thursday, September 27, at 4 p.m. In memory, plans to accept donations in his name to the St. Joseph’s Foundation are underway. “Some souls, like a gentle rain, pass through this life only briefly to touch our hearts then return to heaven.” Our little angel is at peace now.
I plan on writting more about this personally, especially in regards to the efforts we are putting into to helping St. Joeseph's Foundation raise money that will help other families and their children when medical emergencies occur.